[00:01] Hi to all my lovely listeners. I’m Wils Struthers-Cooper and this is Read Reflect Rise, where we explore
[00:10] wise words that expand how we understand ourselves, our relationships and our place in the big
[00:17] wide universe. If you’re new here and this is your first time, welcome. If you’ve been
[00:23] listening for a while, thank you for choosing to spend this time with me. I see you turning
[00:28] up for yourself again and again and I’m so glad to get to journey with you. Today we’re exploring
[00:34] Mindsight by Dr. Daniel Siegel, a book that bridges neuroscience and human insight to show
[00:39] us something remarkable about our capacity for change. It’s a beautiful mashup between neuroscience
[00:45] and psychotherapy. It dives deep, it’s powerful. Siegel spent years studying what he calls mind
**[00:53]**sight. Our ability to observe our own mental processes as they unfold, not to judge them or
[01:00] change them or immediately fix them, but to see them with clarity. What he discovered is that this
[01:06] skill might be one of the most important things we can develop. When you notice yourself beginning
[01:13] to spiral into worry or recognize the familiar tension rising when someone pushes your buttons
[01:19] or maybe you catch yourself falling into an old, old pattern with someone you love. In that moment
[01:24] of recognition, new possibilities can open up. That’s what we’re talking about. Segell shows us
[01:30] that whether you’re drawn to meditation, counseling or therapy modalities, scientific research or you
[01:37] just simply want to understand why you react the way that you do, this capacity for self-awareness,
[01:43] for noticing what’s happening in your mind, it can reshape not just how you feel but actually
[01:48] how your brain functions. It’s not about perfection or never struggling, it’s about developing
[01:55] the ability to see your own thinking and when you’re doing that seeing,
[02:00] you’re finding more choices in how you want to respond in any given moment.
[02:09] A little bit about the author. Dr Daniel Siegel is a clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA.
[02:14] He spent decades studying one question, why do some people change and others don’t?
[02:22] His research led him to create the term mind sight, your capacity to see your own thinking
[02:28] as it unfolds. You are literally seeing into your own mind. It’s not your thoughts themselves but
[02:35] the process of thinking. It’s the difference between I am angry and noticing. I notice I’m
[02:44] having angry thoughts right now. Siegel argues that this isn’t just hairs splitting at a
[02:52] philosophical level. When you could observe your mental processes, you create space between what
[02:58] happens to you and how you respond and in that space you have choices you didn’t know existed.
[03:06] That’s Kairos time, the right time. The book draws on from his clinical work with people who
[03:13] seemed permanently stuck. Perhaps trauma survivors who couldn’t stop reliving their past or couples
[03:18] trapped in destructive cycles. Individuals whose emotional reactions consistently sabotaged their
[03:24] relationships and goals. What he found is that those who developed this capacity for self
[03:30] observation could literally reshape their brains. They weren’t just coping better, they were actually
[03:38] fundamentally different people. Here’s the thing that makes his work different.
[03:46] He grounds everything in neuroscience. He shows exactly what happens in your brain when you shift
[03:52] from that automatic state, that reactivity and into conscious awareness where you have a choice.
[03:59] And he demonstrates that this shift is possible at any age regardless of your history.
[04:07] That’s pretty cool isn’t it?
[04:13] So here’s a passage from the book.
[04:16] States of mind. By now you may be asking what exactly are these states or selves that each of
[04:24] us have? In brain terms a state is composed of a cluster of neural firing patterns that embed
[04:32] in them certain behaviours, a feeling, tone and access to particular memories. A state of mind
[04:39] makes the brain work much more efficiently tying together relevant and sometimes widely separated
[04:47] functions with a neural glue that links them in the moment. If you play tennis for example,
[04:54] each time you put on your shorts and shoes, pick up your racket and head for the court,
[05:01] your brain is actively creating a tennis playing state of mind. In this state you are primed to
[05:08] access your motor skills, your competitive strategies and even your memories of prior games.
[05:15] If you’re playing a familiar opponent you’ll recall her moves, her strongest hits and her weak
[05:19] spots. All of these memories, skills and even feelings of competition and aggression are
[05:26] activated together. Sometimes the adhesive holding a state together is flexible,
[05:34] enabling us to be receptive and open to bringing in new sensory data and new ways of behaving.
[05:40] You can learn from your opponent and respond to her game as it unfolds. Your state of mind is
[05:45] unique to this moment in time, a one-of-a-kind combination of neural firings yet it is influenced
[05:52] by the past. You are ready and receptive. But some ingrained states are more sticky and restrictive,
[06:03] locking us into old patterns of neural firing, tying us to previously learned information,
[06:09] priming us to react in rigid ways. This locked down state is reactive, meaning that our behaviour
[06:16] is determined in large part by prior learning and is often survival based and automatic.
[06:24] We react reflexively rather than responding openly. An experienced tennis player who feels
[06:29] threatened by the skills of a younger opponent may lose focus if she takes the lead and if he
[06:35] fails to adjust his play he may lose the game he was sure he would win. With any activity we can be
[06:43] receptive or we can be reactive. These qualities of receptivity or reactivity can appear in any
[06:52] state, whether it’s helping a child with homework, giving a speech, shopping for clothes or making
[07:00] love. Each of these activities, if repeated, pull together feelings, skills, memories, behaviours
[07:08] and beliefs into a cohesive whole. Some states are engaged frequently enough to help define
[07:14] the individual. These so-called self-states combine to create our personality. These are
[07:21] the many selves, whether receptive or reactive, that make up the person we call myself.
[07:30] I know not everyone loves too much science but I think this is a really wonderful passage because
[07:37] it’s just so practical. He’s not asking you to transcend humanity or achieve
[07:46] something that’s hard to do. He’s simply saying let’s learn to notice what’s happening in your
[07:53] head in certain situations and be aware that outside circumstances can change these but
[08:00] you can also change the states that you choose to go into.
[08:07] And that’s it. That’s a skill that can change everything. The states that we go into make up us
[08:19] and they’re learned behaviours and we can relearn things.
[08:25] Okay, let’s head into our practice. If you’re moving around, I invite you to do it in a safe
[08:31] space. If you’re sitting still, allow yourself to rest into your body.
[08:43] Bringing your focus to your feet,
[08:46] allowing your toes, your heels, the balls of your feet to flex and move.
[08:54] Bringing your awareness to how that feels
[08:58] and allowing your mind to be fully focused on each individual toe as you move.
[09:08] If you’re in the middle of doing, do whatever you need to make sure you’re fully focused
[09:14] enough to be safe and if you’re fully stopped, then allow yourself to be.
[09:27] Noticing your breath coming in through your nose,
[09:31] traveling down and down, expanding your lungs, expanding your rib cage,
[09:40] filling the space between your ribs and expanding your back as you deepen your breaths.
[09:49] Take a moment just to observe the breath coming in and the breath coming out.
[10:06] And have a think about what state of being you were in just now. Perhaps you’re in work mode
[10:13] with work clothes on, perhaps even in a work vehicle. Perhaps you’re in at home mode.
[10:23] Maybe there’s comfortable footwear, perhaps a relaxing couch or maybe you’re actively
[10:32] doing something for home care. Perhaps you’re traveling between states.
[10:40] Have a think about what your last state that you were in was.
[10:46] Maybe you were in a sports mode like in the example.
[10:51] Maybe it was parent mode.
[10:56] Maybe you were in child mode, spending time with parents yourself.
[11:01] Whatever mode you were in, have a think about what it looks like. Is there a certain way you
[11:07] dress or move or speak when you’re in that mode? Are there any accessories to go with that mode?
[11:17] Think about your body when you’re in that mode. Is your posture rigid or soft? Are your movements
[11:27] smooth or perhaps tighter and jerkier?
[11:35] If you could bring something into that state, into that way of being, what would it be?
[11:41] Would you bring an ease, a grace, a deeper breath?
[11:48] Perhaps it would be greater confidence, shoulders further back.
[12:03] And now I want you to think about a state of being in your life.
[12:10] Or a type of self in your life that you would like to be slightly different.
[12:21] And once again, I want you to picture yourself when you’re in that state.
[12:26] Where are you? What are you wearing? What’s on your feet, if anything?
[12:34] Are there any accessories or beings involved in your life when you’re in that state?
[12:47] And how does your body feel?
[12:52] If you’re in the habit of talking, how does your voice sound?
[12:59] Is there any emotion or feeling in your head and shoulders or perhaps in your chest or your stomach?
[13:10] Perhaps there’s a heat or a tension or a queasiness.
[13:16] Perhaps there’s a softness or a rigidity.
[13:20] All feelings are welcome. All notices are real.
[13:29] When you’re sure that you’ve got a grasp of what that state currently looks like,
[13:36] take a moment and think about how you would like to be the next time you’re in that state.
[13:45] Do you wish to be more flexible when you’re in business mode state?
[13:51] Do you wish to be more compassionate when you’re in parent mode state?
[13:55] Do you wish to be more open-minded?
[13:57] Perhaps more understanding.
[14:04] Perhaps bolder with firmer boundaries.
[14:14] Or perhaps it’s something unique to you.
[14:19] Whatever that word is or that concept is, consider how you can merge it with the existing state.
[14:36] What will it look like when you’re in business state or parent state or whatever state it is you’ve chosen
[14:46] with that new quality that you have chosen?
[14:52] How will you move? What will your voice sound like?
[14:59] How will the feeling in your body be different?
[15:09] Play around a little bit. Tweet the image of yourself.
[15:16] Bring something in that’s slightly different.
[15:22] Maybe it’s something you’re wearing or something you’re carrying. Maybe it’s the location.
[15:33] We want to have a visual, physical difference to go with the difference in feeling that you’re creating.
[15:47] It could be something as simple as a different top or facing a different way from usual.
[16:00] Maybe it’s standing instead of sitting.
[16:02] And when you’ve worked out how the state will look slightly different
[16:15] and what way you want to feel next time you’re in this state,
[16:21] I want you to take some breaths and breathe into that image, securing it in your mind.
[16:32] Running it through almost like a video on loop.
[16:48] And just even by imagining something going differently, you’re training your brain.
[16:56] You are changing that pattern.
[17:00] You’re taking the first step and altering the state that you go into in that situation.
[17:07] And bringing your focus back to your feet, moving them slightly.
[17:15] Bringing your focus back to your seat, rocking your pelvis slightly and become more present.
[17:26] Allowing yourself to exhale and release anything you need to release.
[17:36] Perhaps moving your shoulders, gently moving your neck or your head.
[17:47] Noticing and releasing any tension that may have crept in.
[17:55] As you one more time, notice how you look different or the situation is different
[18:04] and think about how you feel in that state.
[18:10] When you’re ready, moving your fingers, opening your eyes and looking at something around you.
[18:21] Knowing that you’re creating a new path, that you’re slightly altering
[18:28] the self you have been into the self you want to be.
[18:43] I do love how this work, this mind sight, it takes our deepest human experiences of
[18:53] being stuck and being able to grow.
[18:58] But it also merges it and explains it through the scientific lens of understanding our brain
[19:04] in ways that we didn’t have even just a couple of decades ago.
[19:10] We’ve got empirical evidence showing us that change isn’t just possible, it’s how we’re designed.
[19:17] And every time you pay attention to the state that you’re in, every time you pause before reacting,
[19:24] every time you notice a pattern and instead of getting lost in it,
[19:28] you’re working with your brain’s own natural capacity to grow, develop and change.
[19:36] So the parent who finds herself being more present because she’s learned to recognise her stress
[19:40] signals earlier on. The person who doesn’t shut down in difficult conversations because they can
[19:46] actually feel their defences starting to rise and they can make a different choice. These aren’t
[19:53] massive miraculous transformations, these are trainings, they’re examples of
[20:01] mind sight and action and it’s all simply down to practice.
[20:07] But what I find really hopeful is this doesn’t require years of therapy,
[20:11] counselling or perfect daily meditation practice where you sit for hours on end,
[20:16] it starts at the tiniest moments of noticing and those tiny moments snowball and they accumulate
[20:22] into real lasting change. And here’s what I’d like you to carry forward with you.
[20:31] You can repeat this affirmation multiple times a day, you can write it up and put it on your
[20:38] bathroom mirror, on a post-it note near your steering wheel, somewhere that you can see over
[21:14] create space to choose. I notice, I pause, I breathe, I make changes
[21:27] and I want you to apply this one with compassion and kindness
[21:31] it is not possible to suddenly start noticing every single thought it is not possible
[21:39] to suddenly go to the gym and start lifting 300 kgs.
[21:45] We’re not looking for an overnight miracle.
[21:49] This is little notices, little changes, little pauses,
[21:57] little choices that build up and snowball
[22:01] to give yourself grace and kindness for all of the times
[22:04] you’re not going to notice.
[22:07] The times that you do will change your life.
[22:15] Thank you for listening and for being part of the journey
[22:17] to understand ourselves more deeply.
[22:20] If this episode has spoken to you, I’d be grateful
[22:23] if you’d share it with someone you think will find value
[22:25] in the Siegel’s insights.
[22:28] And if you have a moment, a rating on Apple podcasts
[22:31] or Spotify helps others discover these conversations.
[22:35] You can find my show notes and additional resources
[22:38] at ReadReflectRise.com.
[22:41] When you join the weekly email, you receive reflections
[22:43] and practices that extend and deepen the effects
[22:47] of what we explore here.
[22:49] Remember, the next time you feel caught in a familiar reaction,
[22:53] you have an opportunity to practice Seagulls Mindsight.
[22:57] Simply noticing what’s happening in your mind
[22:59] without needing to change it immediately.
[23:03] That’s the very first step towards greater freedom
[23:06] in how you respond to life.
[23:09] Until next week, folks.
[23:11] Remember, there’s magic, medicine and power
[23:13] in the words we weave and wield, so choose carefully.
