Read Reflect Rise With Wils Struthers-Cooper S1E2 Brene Brown Daring Greatly

Generated: 2025-07-04

Full Transcript

[00:03] Welcome to Read, Reflect, Rise, the podcast where we explore powerful words from inspiring [00:09] authors, invest in our personal growth and discover ways to centre ourselves in this [00:14] wonderfully chaotic world. [00:16] I’m your host, Will Struthers-Cooper, a teacher, wellbeing coach and your companion on this [00:22] journey of self-discovery. [00:24] In each episode, we delve into the wisdom of authors who bring us insights, tools and [00:29] perspectives that invite us to transform our thoughts, nourish our spirits and reconnect [00:34] with our inner calm. [00:36] And today we’re diving into the profound work of Dr. [00:39] Brene Brown, a researcher whose words on vulnerability and courage have shaped the way [00:44] many people understand themselves and each other. [00:47] Today, we’re going to reflect on our words, immerse ourselves in a guided, mindful moment [00:52] inspired by her very, very moving work and end with a simple but powerful affirmation [00:58] that you can carry with you throughout the week. [01:01] So let’s take a deep breath, get comfortable and let’s begin to read, reflect and rise together. [01:13] Dr. Brene Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston and a leading expert [01:18] on vulnerability and shame. [01:21] Her TED Talk, The Power of Vulnerability, has been viewed over 60 million times, making [01:27] it one of the most watched TED Talks of all time. [01:31] Her work has reached millions through her bestselling books. [01:34] There’s The Gifts of Imperfection, Dare to Lead and today’s focus, Daring Greatly, [01:39] alongside many other publications that she’s done. [01:43] In Daring Greatly, Brene challenges us to rethink vulnerability, not as a weakness, [01:50] but as something that can allow us to have courage, creativity and connection. [01:55] If you’ve ever been in a situation where you felt like you needed to protect yourself, [01:59] maybe put up a shield or some kind of shell to protect yourself from judgment or from [02:06] failure either from yourself or from other people, then this book is a challenge to step [02:13] into the arena of life with your whole heart, with your whole heart, imperfect as it is. [02:23] So let’s get some of Brene Brown’s wisdom. [02:26] Let’s settle in and listen to an excerpt from Daring Greatly. [02:30] It speaks about vulnerability, but it talks about one of the things that many of us use [02:35] to hide our vulnerabilities and that is perfectionism. [02:47] Is perfectionism an issue for you? [02:49] If so, what’s one of your strategies for managing it? [02:54] I ask this question because in all of my data collecting, I’ve never heard one person [03:00] attribute their joy, success or wholeheartedness to being perfect. [03:08] In fact, what I’ve heard over and over throughout the years is one clear message. [03:14] The most valuable and important things in my life came to me when I cultivated the courage [03:20] to be vulnerable, imperfect and self-compassionate. [03:24] Perfectionism is not the path that leads us to our gifts and to our sense of purpose. [03:29] It’s the hazardous detour. [03:33] I’m going to share a few of my favourite answers from the interviews with you, but first [03:36] I want to tell you about the definition of perfectionism that bubbled up from the data. [03:41] Here’s what I learned. [03:44] Like vulnerability, perfectionism has accumulated around it a considerable mythology. [03:49] I think it’s helpful to start by looking at what perfectionism isn’t. [03:54] Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving for excellence. [03:57] Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. [04:01] Perfectionism is a defensive move. [04:04] It’s the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, [04:08] we can minimise or avoid the pain of blame, judgement and shame. [04:14] Perfectionism is a 20-tonne shield that we lug around, thinking it will protect us, [04:19] when in fact it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen. [04:25] Perfectionism is not self-improvement. [04:28] Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval. [04:33] Most perfectionists grew up being praised for achievement and performance, [04:37] grades, manners, rule following, people pleasing, appearance, sports. [04:42] Somewhere along the way, they adopted this dangerous and debilitating belief system. [04:47] I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplishment. [04:50] Please perform perfect. [04:54] Healthy striving is self-focused. [04:57] How can I improve? [04:58] Perfectionism is other-focused. [05:00] What will they think? [05:02] Perfectionism is hustle. [05:07] Perfectionism is not the key to success. [05:09] In fact, research shows that perfectionism hampers achievement. [05:13] Perfectionism is correlated with depression, anxiety, addiction and life paralysis, [05:19] or missed opportunities. [05:21] The fear of failing, making mistakes, not meeting people’s expectations [05:25] and being criticised keeps us outside of the arena, [05:28] where healthy competition and striving unfolds. [05:34] LaST [05:34] Perfectionism is not a way to avoid shame. [05:38] Perfectionism IS a form of shame. [05:41] Where we struggle with perfectionism is where we struggle with shame. [05:45] laST [05:47] Perfectionism is not a way to avoid shame. [05:50] Perfectionism IS a form of shame. [05:52] Where we struggle with perfectionism we struggle with shame. [05:57] After using the data to bushwhack my way through the myths, [06:00] I then developed the following definition of perfectionism. [06:05] Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system [06:08] that fuels this primary thought. [06:10] If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, [06:13] I can avoid or minimise the painful feelings of shame, judgment and blame. [06:18] Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because perfection doesn’t exist. [06:23] It’s an unattainable goal. [06:25] Perfectionism is more about perception than internal motivation. [06:29] And there is no way to control perception, [06:32] no matter how much time and energy we spend trying. [06:37] Perfectionism is addictive because when we invariably do experience [06:40] shame, judgment and blame, we often believe it’s because we weren’t perfect enough. [06:46] Rather than questioning the faulty logic of perfectionism, [06:49] we become even more entrenched in our quest to look and do everything just right. [06:56] Perfectionism actually sets us up to feel shame, [06:59] judgment and blame, which then leads to even more shame and self blame. [07:04] It’s my fault I’m feeling this way because I’m not good enough. [07:10] Daring greatly, appreciating the beauty of cracks. [07:14] Just as our experiences of foreboding joy can be located on a continuum, [07:18] I find that most of us all fall somewhere in a perfectionism continuum. [07:22] In other words, when it comes to hiding our flaws, managing perception [07:26] and wanting to win over folks, we’re all hustling a little. [07:30] For some folks, perfectionism may only emerge when they’re feeling particularly vulnerable. [07:35] For others, perfectionism is compulsive, chronic and debilitating. [07:40] It looks and feels like an addiction. [07:44] Regardless of where we are in this continuum, if we want freedom from perfectionism, [07:49] we have to make the long journey from what will people think to I am enough. [07:56] That journey begins with shame, resilience, self compassion and owning our stories. [08:02] To claim the truths about who we are, where we come from, what we believe [08:06] and the very imperfect nature of our lives, we have to be willing to give ourselves a break [08:11] and appreciate the beauty of our cracks or imperfections, [08:15] to be kinder and gentler with ourselves and each other, [08:20] to talk to ourselves the same way we talk to someone we care about. [08:29] So that’s from Daring Greatly, [08:32] How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent and lead by Brene Brown. [08:39] And that was pages, page 128 to page 131. [08:46] A long extract, but so powerful. [08:50] It’s definitely something that I think many people dip into in different areas of their life. [08:55] Perfectionism can be all pervading. [08:58] And although Brene Brown is an expert in shame, [09:02] she always, always, always in her books provides the antidote to shame. [09:07] There’s no piece of writing or talking that I’ve come across by Brene Brown [09:12] that doesn’t empower and uplift. [09:16] Yes, sometimes the medicine can be a bit bitter as we work our way through it. [09:22] But like all things involving growth, [09:26] we deep dive and we come up lighter for it. [09:31] Now, I’m going to lead you into meditation. [09:35] If you’re sitting comfortably, walking comfortably, driving, doing whatever you’re doing, [09:41] then share your focus as you need. [09:44] If you’re somewhere that’s safe to do so and you want to close your eyes, you’re very welcome to. [09:54] Firstly, allow yourself to release any breath that you’re holding. [10:00] Inhale and breathe out. [10:06] Give your neck, your shoulders a little bit of awareness. [10:11] You may want to move. [10:13] Is there any tension or holding happening in that top part of your body? [10:18] Could your head be settled more firmly on your neck? [10:22] Could your neck be angled more comfortably? [10:26] Could your shoulders do with being higher or lower or. [10:32] Sliding down your back. [10:37] Bring your focus to your feet. [10:41] To the seat of your body, wherever it’s resting or if it’s moving. [10:48] Allow yourself to notice how your body feels. [10:52] And you don’t need to change anything. [10:55] You’re perfect exactly as you are. [10:59] Sometimes just noticing a small bit of tension, a niggle, a tightness or a relaxation. [11:08] Can really help us settle into our bodies. [11:12] So when you feel you’ve settled comfortably into your body. [11:18] Let yourself relax and take a yawn. [11:21] Just drop down your jaw. [11:29] And as you allow your breath to flow in and out, [11:34] just observe the movement of the air through your nose or your mouth. [11:42] How your rib cage expands, [11:44] perhaps your stomach moves in and out as your diaphragm works. [11:55] And I want you to think about something that you have tried. [11:59] And tried and tried to make perfect. [12:04] Might be something that you’ve invested a lot of time in, [12:08] or it might be something that you perhaps feel defeated and deflated by [12:13] because you feel you cannot make it perfect. [12:17] And go as deeply as you feel comfortable with. [12:21] Allow yourself to notice the feelings and emotions in your body [12:24] as you think about that project or task or thing that you’re creating. [12:33] Notice if the tension in your body increases or decreases, [12:38] perhaps your posture has changed. [12:41] All of these are acceptable. [12:45] You are acceptable exactly as you are. [12:53] You do not need a task or an achievement [12:58] or the completion of something to be worthy. [13:05] You’re enough exactly as you are. [13:12] I invite you to take one of your hands [13:15] and place them somewhere soothing on your body. [13:19] It could be on your cheek, could be holding the other hand. [13:23] It could be something as simple as rubbing two fingers together. [13:28] Give yourself a physical, comforting touch. [13:33] And as you do so, [13:37] picture that project, that thing, that task. [13:44] And contemplate whether in a year’s time it will matter. [13:52] Continuing to breathe, [13:55] allowing your breath to slow if it’s sped up, [13:59] speeding it up if you’ve stopped breathing. [14:03] Will this task or item matter in five years? [14:12] If you haven’t dotted the I’s or crossed the T’s, [14:16] will it matter in 10 years? [14:22] Can you allow yourself good enough for this project? [14:32] And notice if any fears or concerns arise there when you think about [14:40] allowing this project to be as it is. [14:48] Allowing yourself to do work that is good. [14:53] Not perfect, good. [15:01] And now I want you to think about what you can do with the time [15:08] that you might have spent perfecting something. [15:14] What would you do that would nourish you instead of draining you? [15:21] I’d like you to set an intention to give yourself a taste of that. [15:27] A little nibble, a little bite of that. [15:37] And picture yourself completing a task. [15:42] Perhaps that one you’re already picturing or a new one in the future, you complete it. [15:49] You go, that’s good enough. [15:53] I have done enough. [15:57] And you shut it down, you close it, you admire it, [16:02] and then you move on to do that nourishing thing. [16:13] And tap into your body when you’re doing that nourishing thing. [16:17] Are there any tastes, sights, smells, sounds [16:22] that make it come alive in your imagination, in your mind’s eye? [16:27] Or if it feels like a fit, write it down. [16:33] That’s you living your life knowing that you are enough exactly as you are. [16:41] That what you do is good enough exactly as it is. [16:53] Now, bringing your focus back to your feet, [16:58] back to your seat, back to the task in hand [17:03] of listening to this podcast. [17:09] I’d like you to open your eyes if you had them closed. [17:12] Perhaps move your fingers, [17:14] [17:14] make contact with something. [17:23] And before we close, I want to leave you with an affirmation inspired by Daring Greatly. [17:29] Feel free to repeat it aloud, write it down, put it on a post-it note somewhere, [17:34] put it in your wallet or set an alert on your phone for multiple times during the day. [17:40] Or just carry it lightly on your heart. [17:44] Remember, if it feels tangy, bitter, [17:47] if it’s not enriching your life, then lay it aside. [17:55] We have I Am Enough from Brene Brown. [17:59] I’d definitely invite you to use that one. [18:01] I Am Enough. [18:04] I Am Enough. [18:08] And as you say it, try and plant your feet into the ground. [18:13] Have a little smile on your face. [18:17] Get some physical movement into it. [18:21] It can be heavy to begin with, until it seeps into your bones. [18:34] I’d also like you to practice the affirmation if it feels like a fit. [18:39] Of. [18:42] I Am Enough. [18:46] Good enough is good enough. [18:50] I choose to nourish myself. [18:55] I Am Enough. [18:58] Good enough is good enough. [19:02] I choose to nourish myself. [19:06] I Am Enough. [19:10] Good enough is good enough. [19:13] I choose to nourish myself. [19:20] Let those words settle in. [19:28] Thank you so much for spending this time with me on Read, Reflect, Rise. [19:33] I hope today’s episode has brought you some insight, some calm, and a renewed connection to yourself and your amazing abilities. [19:42] If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please do share it with a friend who could use a reminder that they are enough and that they are amazing. [19:51] Don’t forget to subscribe for more moments of reflection. [19:54] And if Brene’s words resonate with you, there’s links available for you to purchase it. [19:59] Please do consider supporting your local bookshop. [20:02] For more tools, resources and links to the books we discuss, visit www.readreflectrise.com. [20:09] That’s www.readreflectrise.com. [20:12] And while you’re there, join my email list for exclusive content, updates and little boosts to keep you going between the episodes. [20:19] If today’s episode spoke to you, leaving a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify helps others discover these words of wisdom. [20:26] Your feedback means the world to me and I do read every comment. [20:30] And remember, as you move through your week, you carry the power to create your life, one breath, one pause and one choice at a time. [20:39] Until next session, I’m Will Struthers-Cooper, reminding you to take a moment to be so you can reflect and rise. [20:46] Go well, take great care and remember, there is magic, medicine and power in the words that we weave and wield. [20:58] Perfection is an imperfect as it is.