Episode Transcript: S1E18: How to Stay Sane in a Mad World — with Help from Ruby Wax’s Sane New World

[00:02] Welcome to Read, Reflect, Rise with Will Struthers-Cooper. This is the space where words become medicine,

[00:09] where we pause, breathe and connect with the wisdom of writers who help us live more mindfully,

[00:16] more compassionately and, let’s be honest, a little more sanely. Each episode I’ll read

[00:23] an excerpt from a leading voice in the wellbeing world, offer a moment of reflection or a guided

[00:29] meditation and I’ll gift you with an affirmation to carry into your day to help you rise. So if

[00:36] you’re feeling overstretched, under-inspired or just navigating the glorious chaos of being human,

[00:43] you’re in the right place. Let’s breathe in and begin. Today we’re turning to someone who

[00:55] manages to both be hilariously honest and deeply insightful. A woman who stood on comedy stages,

[01:02] studied mindfulness at Oxford and has battled her own brain with both sharp wit and blunt

[01:08] science. We’re talking about Ruby Wax, a comedian, author, performer and a mental health advocate.

[01:16] Her book, Sane New World, Taming the Mind, blends neuroscience, mindfulness and no nonsense,

[01:22] sometimes even brutal humour. If you’ve ever wanted to understand your mind without reading

[01:28] a textbook or crying into one, this might be your entry point because Ruby has read the books,

[01:34] has done the science and has made it palatable and easy to read to understand it all. Ruby invites

[01:41] us to laugh with our minds, not at them and in doing so she makes deep wellbeing work accessible

[01:48] to everyone and sometimes even laughable. This is one of those books that you can pick up in the

[01:55] middle of a mind meltdown and somehow, within a few pages, feel seen, feel connected, feel empowered

[02:03] and educated and much less alone. Here’s one of the passages that summarises science in Ruby’s

[02:11] own inimitable way.

[02:16] Facial expressions. Before we had words, we spread the news using our facial expressions and to this day,

[02:24] no matter where you are on the planet, even if you’re born blind, by ten months you’ll know how

[02:30] to pull up both sides of your mouth and smile. A real one, not that thing airline stewardesses do

[02:36] when they give everyone bye bye, bye bye bye bye bye, like they have a bad stutter. Nature in its

[02:43] brilliance made sure the first expression a baby learns is a smile because if it didn’t smile,

[02:50] we would have tossed that screaming glob of fat who can’t even go to the loo by itself away.

[02:56] To this day, people will tolerate and even love you if you smile. People in showbiz have this

[03:03] face, they’re pummeled into them, singing to themselves,

[03:07] Smile, though your heart is breaking, smile even though you’re faking, smile and the world smiles with you.

[03:19] Whether you live in Bora Bora or Detroit, the facial expression for anger remains the same.

[03:25] It can be recognised by drawing back of the lips and showing teeth which demonstrates to others that you could

[03:32] eat them if pushed. The exposed teeth were to show how sharp they were. How white they were was

[03:40] irrelevant. The growling was dropped once we learnt to swear. We show disgust by flaring our nostrils

[03:46] and putting our mouths into an ick shape to show others around us that, let’s say, that fish is off.

[03:54] Fear is easy to spot. The open mouth, screaming and bulging eyes gives a big clue for those nearby to run.

[04:02] Surprise is an intake of breath with an open mouth, warning others that something is not as it should be.

[04:09] It could be something bad or good. It’s sort of the human version of an amber light.

[04:15] Laughter begins as a half scream from the shocked response of seeing something unexpected, a man slipping on a banana.

[04:24] You’re about to express alarm but when you realise the danger has passed, that he’s still alive,

[04:28] your lips drop and your eyes crinkle to show others that there is no emergency.

[04:34] Humour comes from shock followed by relief, expressed by a barking noise.

[04:40] It indicates that this is a joke, not an actual catastrophe. And the bark is so ludicrous, so infectious,

[04:49] that others around you also bark and clap their hands, all joining in in the celebration that the pie in the face

[04:56] was not serious. Everyone is so relieved they bark some more.

[05:04] We’re born with the 47 facial muscles that create our expressions.

[05:09] All of our emotional states are viscerally connected to our facial muscles so we can read each other loud and clear underneath language.

[05:18] Watch a silent movie and get back to me.

[05:22] We developed facial expressions not just to read each other but also to deceive each other.

[05:29] For example, if you found food and you didn’t want anyone to get it, you could fake a lick of disgust, then everyone leaves and you get the meat.

[05:38] Those who were best at deception survived and the suckers fell by the wayside.

[05:43] This remains the same today. The Shad and Freud face is one of the ugliest of all expressions.

[05:49] It means, I’m so happy, sorry, but mostly I’m happy, you’ve been demoted or even better fired.

[05:57] If you watch a face, it will tell you everything. For instance, you cannot fake a smile.

[06:04] There is a muscle under the eye called the periocular that will not become active if you aren’t genuinely smiling.

[06:11] The mouth is easy to upturn but if you don’t find something funny, that periocular muscle just doesn’t move. Your eyes are dead as a trout’s.

[06:23] Learning to read faces should be compulsory in schools so you can decipher what people are really thinking.

[06:30] Imagine if we could spot politicians right off the bat when they’re lying. They’d all be out of work in a week.

[06:36] Someone should have walked out of Bernard Madoff’s office and screamed, warning others with his mouth wide open and fear in his eyes and then flared his nostrils to show disgust.

[06:45] This man is a maniac! Then all those people wouldn’t have lost $50 billion.

[06:50] If we were taught in schools how to read faces, we could have spotted those sociopathic mortgage lenders and noticed they had the eyes of lizards.

[07:02] Jealousy.

[07:03] I wish we could express this emotion like kids do. If someone gets something you want, you just hit them over the head and snatch it back.

[07:13] That’s why children are so un-neurotic. They’re doing what we can only dream of.

[07:33] A Say New World is an unusual choice for a Read Reflect Rise.

[07:43] It’s not the soul-nourishing read that is obviously warm and heart-filled from the word go that we normally feature on this podcast.

[07:53] However, I think it’s an important one to include because Ruby’s honesty, her genuine lack of deception and her, I’m going to say the word brutal, her brutal exposé of what she’s thinking and what many of us are thinking, even though sometimes we wish we weren’t,

[08:13] It really just echoes what the human condition is. We have all experienced jealousy. We’ve all felt disgust. We’ve all wanted to be happy for someone but also been slightly glad that maybe we got that instead or maybe just a bit jealous that someone got something and we didn’t.

[08:33] We’re all human at the end of the day and we all have shadow sides and none of us are perfect.

[08:41] And this Instagram perfect way of pretending everything is absolutely wonderful and love and light to everyone and positivity across the board, it can be lovely but we can’t live in it all the time.

[08:56] And Ruby goes dark. She plays dirty. There’s lots of swears in the book and some of the humour is definitely a little bit darker than I would go for but it’s a captivating read. It’s a captivating read and it is about life and all of us.

[09:12] I think comedians have a unique talent at analysing the human condition and sometimes comedians choose to pick at the sore spots and sometimes comedians choose to uplift all of us.

[09:25] And I think Ruby’s deep dive, this path that she’s chosen after her comedy career changed. Choosing to go and study, choosing to share the information that she’s learned and choosing to put herself at the front and say this is me and this is what I’m going through. It’s inspiring and it definitely allows us to connect and to rise.

[09:50] Now then, we’re going to move into a meditation inspired by Ruby’s words.

[10:02] Allow yourself to be sitting comfortably.

[10:08] You could be standing, you could be moving, you could be driving, all of these things are okay.

[10:14] Just try to connect with the surface, whether it be with your hands or your feet, your elbows, your seat.

[10:22] And move and press.

[10:26] We’re coming into our bodies, we’re allowing energy to settle.

[10:32] And we’re taking some breaths in.

[10:37] And we’re exhaling.

[10:40] Allowing some more breath in.

[10:44] And some more exhales.

[10:47] Perhaps even a yawn.

[10:55] I want you to observe the placement of your body.

[11:00] See if there’s anything that you want to adjust or align or realign.

[11:07] Anything that you want to release or stretch.

[11:11] Any further yawns.

[11:18] Allowing yourself to settle.

[11:22] And just observing what is.

[11:30] Bringing your attention to your feet, to your legs, to your hands and arms, to your pelvis, your spine, your rib cage, your shoulders, your neck, your scalp and head.

[11:55] And finally bringing your focus to your face.

[12:04] How does the top of your head, where your forehead meets your hairline feel?

[12:13] You may find it as an observation that you make quietly or you may find you want to actually place your hands, your fingers upon your head.

[12:23] Is there any tension?

[12:26] Is there a softness or a hardness?

[12:31] Do you want to make contact with your fingers?

[12:35] Perhaps moving?

[12:38] Adding pressure?

[12:41] Stroking?

[12:44] Moving your hands down to cut the outer edges of your cheeks and your jaw.

[12:53] Allow your jaw to soften.

[12:57] Perhaps even to drop down a little into your hands.

[13:07] Noticing any areas of tension and applying warmth or pressure where it feels a fit to do so.

[13:19] Now noticing the nose.

[13:22] Perhaps you’re able to feel the movement of air as you breathe in and exhale.

[13:29] A slight coolness or a slight warmth as the air that we breathe enters and exits your body.

[13:41] Bring your focus down to your cheekbones and the fleshy part just beneath them.

[13:51] Where you have many muscles, perhaps pressing and feeling if there’s tension, softness, hardness.

[14:03] Perhaps you’re aware of your sinuses buried deep into the bones.

[14:10] Perhaps you can feel the upper part of your gums and teeth.

[14:18] Perhaps you want to stretch your jaw out and move it in little circles if it feels comfortable to do so.

[14:27] Perhaps there’s a back and forward movement of your lower jaw or an up and down.

[14:38] Noticing your position of your tongue within your mouth.

[14:44] Does it want to do any movement?

[14:49] Is it comfortably resting?

[14:55] Is it well hydrated?

[15:06] Then bringing your focus upwards to your eye sockets.

[15:11] Noticing any tension, any softness, smoothness, folds, wrinkles.

[15:22] And noticing without judgement if there is tension, if there is tiredness.

[15:32] And if it’s safe to do so perhaps rubbing your hands together to generate some warmth palm to palm.

[15:39] And placing your hands over your eye sockets.

[15:43] Not applying pressure but allowing warmth to seep into your eyes.

[15:51] The part of your body that’s incapable of deception.

[16:00] Perhaps you’re familiar with smiling without your eyes also smiling.

[16:09] Perhaps you have expressive eyes and laughter and smile lines that grow deep grooves.

[16:18] Showing a history of happiness and laughter.

[16:26] Perhaps there’s parts of your face that are a challenge for you to love just now.

[16:36] Perhaps tension has crept back in in places.

[16:41] All of this is okay.

[16:46] All of this is being human.

[16:53] The many many muscles that make up your face.

[16:58] That wonderful drawing pad of non-verbal communication.

[17:06] That shares our inner thoughts with others.

[17:09] That allows deception and connection and communication.

[17:14] They can exist without judgement.

[17:20] They can exist with gratitude and compassion.

[17:25] And allow yourself to notice if you have any emotions appearing on your face.

[17:39] Perhaps it’s in your heart rather than on your face.

[17:41] Perhaps you want to lift the corners of your mouth or perhaps there may be sadness arising and heaviness in your brow.

[17:55] Allow.

[17:58] Soften.

[18:01] Soothe with hands on a face or hands on heart.

[18:07] Knowing that this is the face worn by many many many others through generations and evolution.

[18:18] Every muscle has a purpose.

[18:21] Every brow bone ridge exists due to DNA and years and years of evolution.

[18:32] We may love our faces.

[18:33] We may not.

[18:38] But we do connect with them.

[18:47] And in that connection we are human.

[18:52] And we can choose how to appear.

[18:58] How open to be.

[19:00] And how to share love.

[19:09] May there be love in every part of your being.

[19:20] We are all just doing our best.

[19:28] And remember folks you’re not your face.

[19:32] You’re not your thoughts.

[19:34] You are the one living.

[19:36] You are the one listening.

[19:38] You are the one connecting and being.

[19:42] And that brings me to your affirmation for today.

[19:47] I am not my thoughts.

[19:50] I choose for myself and I choose.

[19:56] Allow yourself to fill in that blank.

[20:01] It could be something you know that you want more of.

[20:03] It could simply be love.

[20:05] I am not my thoughts.

[20:07] I choose for myself and I choose.

[20:14] I am not my thoughts.

[20:16] I choose for myself and I choose.

[20:24] And know that you can choose something new whenever you need to.

[20:31] So you craft the ending of your own affirmation.

[20:33] Write it down somewhere. Speak it. Sing it.

[20:36] Let it become a thread of connection throughout your day.

[20:39] Your words. Your choice.

[20:44] If this reflection gave you a moment of calm or even just a chuckle,

[20:49] please share this episode with someone who could use the reminder that they are not the voice in their head.

[20:55] And if Ruby’s words made you curious, I highly recommend grabbing a copy of Sane New World or one of her later books.

[21:02] They’re often just tours of the mind with actual tools at work narrated by a real, real human.

[21:10] I mean, it’s a tour of the mind if your imaginary tour guide can cackle, snort with laughter and is occasionally as blunt as a brick.

[21:19] I do love Ruby.

[21:20] You can find the show notes, past episodes and free resources over at www.reedreflectrise.

[21:27] And if you’re loving these episodes, please don’t forget to subscribe, rate or leave a review.

[21:32] It really does help more listeners find us.

[21:35] You can also sign up for my newsletter where I share bonus reflections, free mantras and sneak peeks sometimes of upcoming episodes.

[21:43] And remember, there is magic, medicine and power in the words we weave and wield.

[21:49] Until next time, read with curiosity, reflect with compassion and rise with courage.