Episode Transcript: S1E5: 10% Happier by Dan Harris - Mindfulness, Skepticism & the Voice in Your Head

Full Transcript

[00:02] Hey lovely folks, welcome back to Read, Reflect, Rise. I’m Will Struthers-Cooper, wellbeing [00:09] coach, teacher, mantra mama and your guide here each week as we journey into the heart [00:13] of powerful words that help us live more mindfully, compassionately and courageously. Whether [00:20] you’re here on your morning walk, folding clothes, taking a tea break between meetings [00:24] or finally catching a quiet moment for yourself, I see you. And I’m so grateful to be here [00:31] with you today. Today’s episode is for the sceptics, the overthinkers or the self-development [00:38] dabblers who aren’t sure whether mindfulness is actually for them or even actually a thing. [00:43] Because we’re diving today into the witty, oh so blunt world of Dan Harris and his bestselling [00:49] book, 10% Happier. This episode is an episode about the voice in your head, the one that [00:57] runs in circles like a broken record, judges, catastrophizes the worst things imaginable, [01:03] buys into every tiny bit of drama it can possibly dial into and what happens when you finally [01:09] stop believing everything that voice says. So take a deep breath in, let it go and let’s [01:17] dive into the depths of Dan’s brain first. Firstly, Dan Harris is a journalist, anchor [01:25] and co-founder of the 10% Happier meditation app. But before any of that, he was a TV newsman [01:32] who had a panic attack live on national TV and he says it changed the trajectory of his [01:37] life. 10% Happier is a book that’s part memoir, part investigative journalism and part mindfulness [01:44] guide. What a combo, huh? It’s delivered with self-deprecating humour and razor sharp [01:50] insight. It’s for people who think that spirituality is for hippies, use the word woo woo condescendingly [01:56] and think that meditation might just be a waste of time. You know what I mean, that [02:01] time wasting, navel gazing, meditation isn’t for me, that kind of thing. Bear with me though, [02:08] if that really sounds like you. Because Dan’s journey from dismissive sceptic to a mindfulness [02:15] advocate shows us that even the smallest shift in awareness, and that’s all mindfulness [02:20] really is, even the smallest shift in awareness can lead to big changes in how we show up [02:25] in our lives. Let’s get deeper into his head. In this extract, Dan has been reading The [02:32] Power of Now. So I’m reading a book about someone reading a book, that’s very meta. [02:37] Let’s go. [02:41] The ego is never satisfied. No matter how much stuff we buy, no matter how many arguments [02:48] we win or delicious meals we consume, the ego never feels complete. Did this not describe [02:54] my bottomless appetite for airtime or drugs? Is this what my friend Simon meant when he [03:00] said, I had the soul of a junkie? The ego is constantly comparing itself to others. [03:06] It has us measuring our self-worth against the looks, wealth and social status of everyone [03:11] else. Did this not explain some of my worrying at work? The ego thrives on drama. It keeps [03:18] our old resentments and grievances alive through compulsive thought. Is this why I would sometimes [03:23] come home to Bianca scowling over some issue at the office? Perhaps the most powerful to [03:29] see an insight into the ego was that it is obsessed with the past and the future at [03:34] the expense of the present. We live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation, [03:40] he wrote. We wax nostalgic for prior events during which we were doubtless ruminating [03:44] or projecting. We cast forward to future events during which we will always certainly be fantasising. [03:52] But as Tolly points out, it is quite literally always now. He liked to capitalise that word. [03:59] The present moment is all we’ve got. We experienced everything in our past through the present [04:05] moment and we will experience everything in the future the same way. I was a pro, I realised, [04:11] at avoiding the present. A ringer. This had been true my whole life. My mum always described [04:18] me as an impatient kid rushing through everything. In eighth grade an ex-girlfriend told me, [04:24] when you have one foot in the future and the other in the past you are on the present. [04:30] That was a sweary. Edited in case I was listening around kids. [04:35] I was always hurtling headlong through the day, checking things off my to-do list, constantly [04:40] picturing completion instead of calmly and carefully enjoying the process. The unspoken [04:46] assumption behind most of my forward momentum was that whatever was coming next would definitely [04:51] be better. Only when I reached that ineffable whatever would I be totally satisfied. Some [04:59] of the only times I could recall being fully present were when I was in a war zone or on [05:03] drugs. No wonder one beget the other. It finally hit me that I’d been sleepwalking [05:09] through much of my life. Swept along on a tide of automatic habitual behaviour. All [05:15] of the things I was most ashamed of in recent years could be explained through the ego. [05:19] Chasing the thrill of war without contemplating the consequences. Replacing the combat high [05:25] with coke and ecstasy. Reflexively and unfairly judging people of faith. Getting carried away [05:31] with anxiety about work. Neglecting Bianca to tryst with my blackberry. Obsessing about [05:36] my stupid hair. It was a little embarrassing to be reading a self-help writer and thinking, [05:43] this guy gets me. But it was in this moment, lying in bed late at night, that I first realised [05:50] that the voice in my head, the running commentary that had dominated my field of consciousness [05:55] since I could remember, was kind of an asshole. [06:13] And he goes on to say that the real power is not in fighting the voice or fixing it, [06:18] but it’s in relating to it differently. And that’s something we can all do. [06:25] Relate differently to the thoughts in our head with curiosity, [06:28] creating a little space, adding a little humour. [06:34] Let’s move on to today’s meditation. [06:45] Make sure that you’re sitting comfortably or moving comfortably. If there’s anything [06:50] tight or constrictive or restrictive around you, now is the time to get comfy. [06:59] Allow yourself a breath in, noticing how your ribcage expands in all directions. [07:06] Perhaps there’s some tension stopping your ribcage from expanding fully and that’s okay. [07:14] Tune into your body. Notice the space that you’re occupying. [07:22] Perhaps there’s tightness in your jaw, on your scalp. Perhaps there’s tension in your feet [07:29] or some of your joints. If you’re standing or sitting, check in with your posture. Are [07:38] you leaning forwards or backwards or are you perfectly dead centre? [07:47] When thoughts pop into your brain, are they off the future or are they off the past? [08:00] Is there any judgment or noise? [08:06] Do you have a running to-do list of things you’ve done or [08:11] some tangy feelings about something that has been done? [08:18] Can you feel the ground beneath your feet? Are your fingers in contact with anything? [08:28] What sensations do you have in your body and where? [08:40] Notice where your mind has gone to in that pause. [08:47] Once again, note if it’s into the future, in this moment or in the past. [08:56] And don’t berate yourself. It’s the job’s mind to do things. [09:04] And mindfulness allows us to notice where it goes. [09:14] You might start to hear words from your inner critic [09:19] telling you you should do something or need to do something or shouldn’t do something. [09:28] That’s okay. Let it say these things. [09:35] It’s not you, it’s the voice in your head. It’s your inner narrator. [09:47] Sit yourself down in your head and let those thoughts run in front of you like a stream. [09:56] You don’t need to do anything with them. [10:01] You’re allowed to just exist and they’re allowed to exist. [10:14] Now I want you to bring in some colour, something that is nourishing or uplifting for you. [10:22] It could be a soft blush pink or a soothing green. Maybe it’s a sunshine yellow. [10:31] Pick a colour that you think is a good one. [10:37] And as you’re sitting watching that stream of consciousness, that stream of words, [10:44] I need to do this, I shouldn’t have done that, am I doing this right? Is this wrong? [10:51] Start to suffuse them with the colour that you’ve chosen. [10:57] Wrap it around them. Maybe weave it through it like ribbons. [11:01] Each time a thought pops up, colour it in with that colour. [11:11] Your job is to add the colour. [11:16] Nothing else, just watch it flow on down that stream. [11:25] That tag of colour is your acceptance of the existence of these words. [11:36] You might find you want to weave through a different colour soon. [11:43] You might find you’ve been sucked into that river again. [11:48] You can step out at any time, park yourself back up on the riverbank. [12:04] Allow yourself to breathe. Maybe breathe in some of that colour, that colour of acceptance and joy and love. [12:17] Maybe it’s the colour of something else and that’s okay too. [12:23] Breathe in and breathe it out. Allow that river, that stream of thoughts to keep on flowing. [12:35] You are not your thoughts, you are sitting on the bank observing the thoughts. [12:45] Now you’re observing your body, feeling how your feet, your heels, [12:54] your seat, your hands, your neck, your head, all feel in this moment. [13:06] Perhaps you’re allowing the colour that you’ve chosen to colour all of you in as you notice your body. [13:16] And as you breathe in, place your hands on your heart. [13:29] Take a breath in and a breath out. [13:39] Wiggle your fingers, wiggle your toes and open your eyes if you chose to close them. [13:56] Living mindfully in each moment can be a practical, messy and even funny thing. [14:04] When we notice the thoughts in our head, we learn an awful lot about ourselves. [14:10] Sometimes comfortable, sometimes horrifying, sometimes amusing. [14:16] And we have the option to sit compassionately and gently with what we learn about ourselves. [14:27] Dan talks about catching ourselves in the moment. [14:31] Mid-spiral, mid-reactive or over-reactive response and just saying, oh hey, that’s that voice again. [14:41] And when we do that, even just some of the time, that’s us training, that’s us practicing. [14:49] That’s us improving the part that can pause, strengthening the part that can stop. [14:52] And we’re also training that meditative muscle, the part that can respond instead of reacting, [14:58] that can choose gentleness over self-criticism. [15:03] And that work doesn’t solve anything. It doesn’t solve everything. [15:09] But as Dan says, it might just make you 10% happier. And that’s a pretty good start. [15:18] And this week’s affirmation, it’s a three-parter. [15:23] You can say it as one large one or you could use three individual ones. It’s up to you. [15:40] I breathe in now. I create space. [15:49] I am I. The voice in my head is not me. I choose kind words. [16:04] I breathe in now. I create space. I am I. The voice in my head is not me. [16:16] I choose kind words. [16:21] Take a moment to let that settle in. You can write it down, repeat it aloud. [16:28] Make it your phone background if you want to. Just let it sink from your head into your heart. [16:36] Thank you for being here and thank you for rising with me today. [16:40] If this episode made you smile, pause or breathe a little deeper, [16:43] would you share it with someone who might need it too? Text it to a friend, [16:48] tag me on Instagram, or leave a quick review. It really helps the show grow. [16:54] And if you want more meditations, affirmations and reflections sent straight into your inbox, [16:59] you can join my mailing list at willstrollerscooper.com. [17:03] That’s willstrollerscooper.com. There will be a new free resource coming out soon, [17:07] so do get signed up and don’t miss it. Until next time, take what you need from this, [17:12] leave what you don’t, and share it if it feels right. [17:16] Choose wisely how you chat to that voice in your head, [17:19] because there is magic, medicine and power in the words that we weave and wield. [17:34] Okay, let’s go. For the mindless, again, let’s do that again. [17:41] Okay.