S1E9 Kristin Neff Christopher Germer Mindful Self-Compassion For Burnout

Generated: 2025-07-04

Full Transcript

[00:03] Welcome back to Read Reflect Rise. I’m your podcast host, Will Struthers-Cooper, and this [00:09] is your space to slow down, breathe deeply and rise gently. Today’s topic may resonate [00:16] with a lot of you. It’s certainly something I’ve dealt with before, both physically and [00:21] emotionally. If you’ve ever felt the hollow ache of burnout, if you’re tired of being [00:27] your own harshest critic, if your very being is crying out for more kindness, more permission [00:35] to pause and more room to simply exist, you are super welcome here. I’ve got all the [00:42] love and respect for you. You’re amongst friends walking a very similar path. Today, we’re [00:49] drawing strength and softness from the words of Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer, two [00:53] of the world’s leading voices on self-compassion. Their research has changed the way millions [00:59] of people relate to themselves, and these teachings might just be the balm that your [01:04] burnout weary heart is craving. Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer are pioneers in the [01:10] field of self-compassion. Their groundbreaking work bridges between the science and the soul. [01:15] It’s deeply researched but deeply human too. Kristin’s voice is calm, clear and courageous, [01:21] especially when she talks about burnout and being human, and Christopher’s voice is like [01:25] a warm hug when you need it. There’s no sugar coating the suffering or even any requirement [01:31] to actually use that word suffering, but we are shown that compassion, not criticism, [01:36] is the path through almost anything. This book, Mindful Self-Compassion for Burnout, [01:42] is not about doing more or fixing yourself. It’s about softening, seeing yourself clearly [01:51] and showing up for your own inner world like you would for a dear friend. I was first introduced [01:58] to self-compassion work of this sort around 2014 when I was studying mindfulness at the [02:03] University of Aberdeen. I’d skipped ahead in the reading list and knew immediately that [02:09] self-compassion was going to be intrinsic to everything I did from then on out. I studied [02:14] how it was applicable in leadership. I imbued my life with that love. I’ve used Kristin’s [02:20] self-compassion skill with coaching clients. I signed post-Kristin and Christopher’s meditations [02:25] on my website. I listened to one of Kristin’s books three times consecutively without stopping [02:31] and I have to say, if I have a scientist crush, it is undoubtedly here. This stuff is changing [02:37] the world and that is wholesome and sexy. The research results are amazing. The courses are [02:45] brilliant. The self-compassion community they’re growing is just gorgeous. You need some of this [02:51] in your life. I’ve chosen Mindful Self-Compassion for Burnout because right now I’ve got an eight [02:56] month old and a two year old and this mothership is feeling it. But you could start anywhere in [03:02] their great big catalogue of books and you could get gold dust for yourself every time. So let’s [03:07] get going. It’s time for the good stuff. We need to be mindfully aware of our distress before we [03:19] can give ourselves compassion. We can do this by intentionally asking ourselves, what am I sensing? [03:27] What am I feeling? It’s necessary to know that we’re suffering before compassion makes any sense. [03:33] If we block out our distress, we get caught up in the backstory and ruminate about it. [03:39] We won’t be in the frame of mind to ask, what do I need right now that could help? [03:44] Maybe we need to take a break or we need to get off the couch and take action. [03:50] Could we use some words of comfort or encouragement? Maybe a reminder that we’re not alone in this [03:55] struggle. Research has shown that the more you practice mindfulness, the more self-compassionate [04:01] you become. When you can see through the BS story that your thoughts often create, you may realise [04:07] that, at least in the moment, you’re more okay than you thought. Mindfulness can help you remember [04:14] that even if this moment is difficult, it will eventually pass. Mindfulness gives you a clear [04:19] space to accept tough emotions, frustration, anger, resentment, despair, as normal human reactions to [04:28] burnout. Meditation is a classic way of learning and making a habit of mindfulness. [04:35] Meditation is like going to the gym. It strengthens the mindfulness muscle on purpose [04:39] for a dedicated period of time. But who has the energy to do mental training when stressed or [04:46] burned out? Who wants to wrestle with their default mode network? And what if it just seems like [04:57] There are tools that offer a way to meditate in a pleasant way for just a few minutes so you can [05:03] disengage from the thoughts that cause unnecessary stress without worry about getting it right. [05:10] Sometimes the thinking mind works against us, blaming ourselves for being burned out, [05:15] creating unrealistic expectations and catastrophising about the future. [05:20] Fortunately, with simple mindfulness skills, we can free ourselves from unproductive thinking [05:26] and respond more effectively to stress. But mindfulness isn’t just about paying attention, [05:32] it’s also about how we pay attention with acceptance instead of resistance. [05:42] Now today you’re getting an extra special treat, an extra double whammy. [05:46] I’m going to read the meditation created by Germer and Neff in this section of the book. [05:53] I’ll close that and then I’ll lead on into my own meditation. [05:58] So your self-compassion tool from the experts. Affectionate breathing. You can do this practice [06:05] anytime, even when taking a break in the middle of your workday. You don’t need to strive for [06:10] affection nor should this practice be a chore. A curious, almost playful attitude is best. [06:17] You can do it sitting in a chair, lying down or standing up, whatever feels best and fits the [06:23] situation you’re in. To start, please close your eyes, partially or fully, and drop your [06:30] awareness inside your body. Take three deep breaths. [06:49] Scan your body to see if there are any places of stress, tension or pain in your body, [06:58] especially where you feel the most discomfort. [07:04] Then, if it feels right, put a hand on that place in your body. [07:11] You can also put a hand over your heart or another soothing place. [07:16] Simply feel the touch of your hand on your body. [07:21] Now begin to notice your breathing. Feeling your body, naturally breathe in, [07:28] and breathe out. [07:33] Start to notice the rhythm of your breathing, flowing in and flowing out. [07:41] Take some time to feel the natural rhythm of your breathing. [07:48] You may start to feel your whole body subtly moving with the breath, [07:54] like the movement of the sea. [08:01] Allow your whole body to be gently rocked and caressed by your breathing. [08:11] Let yourself be aware that this gentle movement is always occurring in your body, [08:19] no matter what you may be going through. [08:25] Feel the gentle rhythm for as long as you like. [08:30] When your mind wanders, as it always will, just return to the rhythm of your breathing, [08:39] giving yourself permission to savour the gentle flow. [08:55] And finally, release your attention to your breathing and allow yourself to feel [09:03] whatever you’re feeling and to be just as you are. [09:15] And whatever you are feeling will take forward into the second meditation. [09:23] See if you can name the emotion that you have or the feeling. [09:34] Is there a word for it? [09:38] Maybe there’s a certain place in your body that you feel it. [09:42] If so, if you wish you could place your hand on that part of your body, [09:47] if it’s a knot in your stomach, [09:50] a release in your jaw, [09:52] and into your hand, direct some compassion and love. [10:00] You may wish to give that part of you a gentle squeeze or a press, maybe a gentle stroke. [10:08] It could be the side of your face, it could even be the top of your head. [10:13] And as you breathe, allow your energy to travel up your arm through your hand, [10:23] and connect you, anchor you to that place in your body. [10:31] This feeling is a part of you and you are connected to it. [10:41] All emotions are welcome. [10:47] Observe and notice [10:51] how does your hand feel? [10:54] How does that part of your body feel? [10:59] Take one more breath and send the energy of that breath along your hand. [11:10] Allowing your body to be, resting your hand, allowing your body to be, [11:17] resting your hand back where it began, if it feels like a fit. [11:28] And breathing slowly in and out, [11:35] knowing that you’ve integrated your emotions, [11:39] that you are a complete whole human being, [11:44] and that is natural and expected for emotions to arise in our day. [11:55] All emotions are valid, but you are not your emotion. [12:05] Breathe in to your strong whole self, knowing that you’re experiencing all that life has to offer, [12:16] the tangy and the sweet. [12:20] Placing your hand on your heart, [12:27] and with the warmth of your hands or the jinn, [12:30] gentleness of your touch, press some of that energy and care and acceptance into your heart. [12:41] You have been working so hard. [12:44] This is your recognition. This is your moment of care. [12:51] You are seen. [12:53] You exist, and you are enough, exactly as you are. [13:05] Allowing yourself to release with your breath [13:08] anything you’re holding you don’t want to move forward with, [13:14] and knowing that you don’t need to change anything at all. [13:22] Bringing your focus back to your feet, [13:27] perhaps moving your toes, your fingers, [13:31] opening your eyes if you had them closed, and softly gazing around your space. [13:44] Oh, and coming back, maybe returning your hand to your heart, [13:48] or taking a deeper breath or a stretch if you need it. [13:53] Here’s what stays with me from this book. Burnout is not a failure. [14:01] It’s a very human experience. It’s not something to push through. [14:06] It’s like a welcome letter or an invitation. [14:12] And your RSVP is not done by hustling or working harder or sleeping less in the night or [14:19] getting up earlier or being more productive. [14:23] It’s about softening towards yourself and allowing reality [14:30] being a total mess with kindness and with love. [14:36] Self-compassion isn’t a luxury. It’s a lifeline. And it’s okay, it’s more than okay [14:42] to use it every single day. Yep. [14:47] Even on those days. [14:53] So today I offer you my affirmation inspired by these self-compassion teachings. [14:59] You can say it out loud, write it down or carry it quietly in your chest pocket [15:03] or even in your brain or your heart. I am hurting in this moment. [15:11] Everyone has challenges in their life. [15:14] May I give myself grace and space. May I find comfort and growth. [15:25] I am hurting in this moment. [15:29] Everyone has challenges in their life. [15:33] May I give myself grace and space. May I find comfort and growth. [15:41] A third time. [15:48] I am hurting in this moment. [15:52] Everyone has challenges in their life. [15:56] May I give myself grace and space. [16:00] May I find comfort and growth. [16:09] If today’s episode spoke to you, I’d love for you to share it with your friends. [16:24] I hope you know you can do all of those things for yourself too. [16:42] Make sure you’re subscribed or following me on social media. [16:43] [16:43] your podcast apps. You never miss a moment of calm, clarity and connection. [16:48] And if you’re feeling it’s a fit, leave a rating or a view. It helps others find their way here too. [16:54] Thank you so much to you lovely listeners who’ve been leaving reviews and comments. [16:58] You’ve given me all the feels and I appreciate your time and thoughtfulness beyond words. [17:02] I’m so heartened that you found gifts in my words and my interpretation of others. [17:07] Thank you 100%. [17:09] You can head over to www.reidreflectrise.com to grab yourself our weekly mantras, meditation [17:16] practices and more. And remember, there is magic, medicine and power in the words that we weave and [17:24] wield. Until next time, take what you need, leave what you don’t. Be kind to your beautiful, [17:30] brave self in your words and deeds.